No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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