life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
