well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
