So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize