Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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