I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
