My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize