My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
