Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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