Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
