Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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