Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think I sprained my soul last night
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
