Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
