Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
