There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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