You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
