Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
