I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
