her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
