Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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