I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
