first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think my vagina is haunted
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
