They should really pass out barf bags in church
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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