The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
