I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
