i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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