Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
