Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
