hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
