If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
