I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
