dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
