Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
