I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
