Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
