I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
