matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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