covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
