She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize