one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
