sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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