If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
