This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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