My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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