is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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