I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
