I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
