sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
