PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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