I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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