How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
