Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
