Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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