So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
