been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
