When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
