paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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