When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
