Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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