I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
