so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
