dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Randomize
