We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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