She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
