John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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