there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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