It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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