I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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