I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
