i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
