Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
